Funny
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Born to shop- not to mop!
My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Shopping is retail therapy!
Seen it, done it, cant remember most of it.
When it comes to doing things for others, some people stop at nothing.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Learn to Laugh At Yourself For A Lifetime Of Free Entertainment.
Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
The Reasons Angels can fly is because they take themselves so lightly.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Not everyone has film.
I may rise, but I refuse to shine.
I have taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
Of all the things I have lost, its my mind I miss the most.
Tell the truth. There is less to remember.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I speak only for myself and not the other voices in my head.
There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of my life and wonder, What is going on here?
If you cant laugh at yourself, you might be missing the joke of the century.
The brain is like a parachute- it works best open.
Dont be afraid to ask dumb questions, they are more easily dealt with than dumb mistakes.
Gardening is decorating outside.
Martha Stewart doesnt live here!
Although you will find our house a mess, come in, sit down, converse.
It doesnt always look like this, Some days its even worse.
Clean if you must- but dont write in the dust.
Coffee is my only REAL friend.
Crafts are Cheaper Than Therapy.
I am not unorganized, I just need a bigger craft room!
Dusting Test in progress. Do not disturb samples.
For Maid Service, Press Button.
Four little dirty words:wash,cook,iron,dust.
Help Wanted...Everyone in the house qualifies!
I can't be out of money, I still have checks?
I like to give homemade gifts-which one of the children would you like?
I start working when the caffeine does!
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
I'm not bossy...My ideas are just BETTER!
If it wasn't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
It doesn't always look like this, some days it's even worse.
Kiss often...Lips never wear out.
My house was perfectly clean last week. Sorry you missed it!
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt!
Boring women have clean houses!